Fast Wednesdays: Week of October 22, 2014 – “Topic 4: Silence and Debating – Character in our Spiritual Development”

Greetings Beloved!

As we dive into today’s discussion, what better way to honor the topic than  I’ll briefly share a few “nuggets” and let them marinade in our thoughts, minds, hearts, etc.

This week’s focus is on Silence and Debating (from recent our survey): 

1) Gifts or Character

2) Faith or Hope (Last week’s topic)

3) Respect or Love

4) Silence or Debating

5) Humility or Servant

The overwhelming majority of the respondents voted for silence in our survey, and, that comes as no surprise to me. We have so much noise in our lives today competing for our attention that “silence” is golden for many of us with families, jobs, relationships, marriages, children, finances, time, etc. “screaming” for our attention.

However, I did discover from an article entitled “Why Silence Can be More Powerful than Words with a Man” that “as women, we LOVE words.  Marriage counselor and author, Bob Grant, likes to say, “Words are for women.”  We usually like to emote, talk, share, chat, email, text, talk on the phone and relate.  That’s how we “connect” and feel close and loved with each other and with everyone in our lives.

The opposite of Bob Grant’s statement is also true – but most of us don’t realize it. Words are not for men.

Men use words, of course.  But words don’t have the same impact, meaning and power over men that they do for women emotionally – usually.

If you are ever in doubt about a man’s true feelings, trust his ACTIONS over his words.  Ideally, they would both match up.  But if they don’t match – his actions will tell you what he really thinks and feels.

WHY THE DIFFERENCES? (For those of you who are interested in the anatomical design of male vs. female brains – I’m a pharmacist, I love anatomy – skip it if it’s too clinical!)

Well, our brains are constructed completely differently in regards to emotion and language processing.  Women have larger emotional centers of the brain and millions more nerve connections between the two halves of the brain.  We are wired to talk, to nurture, to love and to connect with words and feelings.  God made us this way.  It’s a good thing!  Women are prepared to use lots of words to teach, praise, encourage, and resolve problems.

With that being said let us reflect on the following…

What this means for relationships (even with our dads, brothers, male coworkers and friends) is that we need to learn about how men think, how they perceive the world, what they want, what they need, what motivates them and how to communicate with them in ways that are EFFECTIVE with men.  That means we may have to get out of our female verbal comfort zone and learn some new ways of communicating that may feel awkward or foreign at first.  If you are communicating positive emotions and happy, joyful, respectful thoughts – I doubt you have to use much restraint.  But with super negative emotions – the following things may be helpful to increase the effectiveness of our communication)

So, when we are communicating with men (on especially VERY emotionally charged information), here are some things to keep in mind to make our communication more meaningful and effective:

1) You know I have to say it – be respectful!
2) Be fairly to the point and give the bottom line.
3) Watch your body language and tone of voice.
4) Realize that if you are upset with a guy – more words probably won’t help.  LESS IS MORE sometimes!

If you want to dive further into the topic:

SCRIPTURE: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (Message Bible) There’s a Right Time for Everything

3 There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

2-8 A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
****A right time to shut up and another to speak up, ****
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

The following scripture shows us that there is a proper time to “debate” as well:

Acts 18:27-28

When Apollos decided to go on to Achaia province, his Ephesian friends gave their blessing and wrote a letter of recommendation for him, urging the disciples there to welcome him with open arms. The welcome paid off: Apollos turned out to be a great help to those who had become believers through God’s immense generosity. He was particularly effective in public debate with the Jews as he brought out proof after convincing proof from the Scriptures that Jesus was in fact God’s Messiah.

SONG:  “Be Still and Know that I am God”
Lord, teach us the opportune time to do things, order our steps that we redeem and make the wisest use of our time, words, thoughts…our very beings. We know that we can do all things through you who strengthen us and that NOTHING is impossible for you. I pray for healing for especially my Kaici Gavin Love who is in the hospital…may you perform miracles for her and Eric. Amen.

Love, Joy and Peace, 
Debra J. Ellis

Reminder AND/OR for those of you just joining us: The purpose of Fast Wednesdays is to draw near to God on this specific day of the week fasting and praying in whatever manner the Holy Spirit is leading you as sisters (and some brothers) in Christ…some have fasted from social media, coffee, or observed a traditional fast with no eating from sunrise to sunset with only liquids for the day, no deserts, etc. I know many of us, for various reasons, participate every week but in different manners. This has still been beneficial and the blog continues to grow!

The key ingredient is that we are doing this together as sisters, of all ages, in the Lord, both chronologically and spiritually in accordance to: A God-Filled Life Titus 2:3-5 “Guide older women into lives of reverence so they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don’t want anyone looking down on God’s Message because of their behavior.”  Note: Please share Fast Wednesdays with your friends and/or send me names to add to the distribution list. For now, I will post in three places: email (, Facebook (Debra Fuller Ellis) and blog in Word Press:





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